Tribute Wall
Wednesday
22
June
First Visitation
6:00 pm - 8:00 pm
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Forest Chapel of Denning Funeral Directors
9 James St. South
Forest, Ontario, Canada
Wednesday
22
June
Service Information
8:00 pm
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Forest Chapel of Denning Funeral Directors
9 James St. South
Forest, Ontario, Canada
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arno verhoeven posted a condolence
Thursday, June 23, 2011
What is the measure of a man?
Martin Luther King said in 1963;
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
As I try to describe my father, to recount the life of a man that I dearly loved in a mere 10 minutes, I am left with great difficulty, for I really don't know what to say. I don't know where to start.
I suppose I could recount various aspects of his life, provide any number of anecdotes that would perhaps highlight the kind of man I thought my father was. But I think it is easiest to tell a small story about his last few days, to simply share his approach to life, which he carried with him gracefully to his end.
I last saw my father in January, where we talked about him coming back to Scotland, perhaps visiting Holland yet again, and shared plans about his future trips abroad. When I arrived home two weeks ago, after Marina phoned me to say that Pop, as I called him, was to be admitted to hospital, yet again, I encountered a very different man. He was thin, tired, and clearly fighting the disease that was starting to take control of his body.
Over the next week, we would sit in the hospital room, talk, chat, laugh, and sometimes cry. It was clear that he was losing this fight, but he insisted that he would bounce back yet again. He said to us at one point that he felt that he had been given another life line, and he was going to take ithe remained positive, and in good spirits, but it was clear to us that his time had come. His mind was willing, but his body was weak. And with each passing day, it was evident he was slowly slipping away.
Death is never easy, but to face one's own mortality is a daunting task. My father persisted in remaining positive, and made sure that everyone around him kept a light heart and a smile close to hand. When I arrived one morning late last week, Pop was not very responsive. His breathing was laboured, he was not eating, and he was constantly sick. The nurses had ensured that he was as comfortable as possible, but he struggled, having moments in and out of awareness, hallucinating from the medication, and fighting the cancer that was consuming him. At one point, I gave him a white bucket, which he held in his lap, in case he became once again nauseous. He held the bucket tight, and I stood close by. He didn't say much, and wasn't very responsive. But he held the bucket with all his might, fists clenched.
At that point, a wonderful nurse named Glynnis peaked her head in the door. She asked my father how things were with him. She noticed the bucket, and said in passing,
"I hope that bucket is working for you Henry."
To which my father, sat up, looked at her wide eyed, and said:
"There's a hole in my bucket Liza."
His answer made me laugh, and it was only one example of some very strange things he said over those last weeks. Glynnis also laughed, and then came a bit closer and said, in response:
"Well, maybe you should fix it Henry".
We smiled, and thought that may be the end of it. Until he looked back at her, and said once more:
"How should I fix it Liza?"
At that point, Glynnis came into the room and stood beside the bed. Leaning over and looking straight into his eyes, she kept the rhyme going.
"Well, Henry, maybe with some reeds?"
"But Liza", said Pop.
And so it continued. Dumbfounded, I watched for almost 10 minutes as my father flirted and wryly bantered with Glynnis through the entire nursery rhyme, not missing one step, until he ended up at the end, holding up the bucket, and in that exasperated way filled with his trademark sarcasm spilling out from behind those gleaming blue eyes:
"But there's a hole in my bucket, Liza!"
So what is the measure of this man, my father?
I have been thinking about this question for many days
If the measure of a man is his found in his approach to life, when faced with the challenge of death, then I do not think I will find any tool, any implement that would be able to measure the man my father was.
He was simply too big.
And sometimes, I think, it was because he was simply too silly.
I suppose, in closing, I'd like to honour him today by promoting his desire to laugh, to be silly, and be good humoured, in the face of adversity. He said many times over the past few weeks that if he didn't have his sense of humour, he wouldn't have anything at all.
So, even if this song by Harry Belafonte ("There's a hole in the bucket") is anything but conventional at a time like this (and my father was certainly anything but conventional), I'd like to dedicate it to him and to thank him for his ability to make me giggle, and for teaching me that the greatest measure of a man is the ability to find a reason to laugh and smile in the face of adversity.
M
Marina Surette posted a condolence
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Alphonse de Lemartine said,
"There are some people, who, when they die, the whole world seems depopulated."
There is so much truth in these words when I think of my Dad. His goal in life, as I see it, was to simply have fun, have a few laughs, and be the life of the party. He brought joy and laughter everywhere he went.
Now, my Dad was uninhibited as many of you know. I remember as a child thinking that I had the most embarrassing father on the planet; that none of my friends had to deal with such antics with their fathers. Everything was a joke, there was always a reason to make fun, there was always a reason to make laughter a priority in every situation. Even in stressful times, his mantra seemed to be, "Laughter is the best medicine". And he stuck to that. The night before he passed away, I sat crying quietly by his bedside. He heard me, and opened his eyes. Looking intently at me, he asked, "What are you doing?" And told me not to cry. He wanted laughter, not tears.
As a child I was often embarrassed, but now, I am forever grateful that he brought that to our lives, and that he passed his hilarity onto us, his children. I am grateful that my daughter, Josie -- his "schaatje" -- knew her Opa to be full of laughter, joy, and ultimately, a great and powerful love.
He cherished his friends and his family above all else. *People* were important to him -- *relationships* mattered over money and possessions. It sounds so cliche, but it is true. It is so VERY true about my Dad.
I remember family vacations, for example. They were never expensive or extravagant, but they were always the best times of our lives; times where we connected with each other. Often we spent time at places within driving distance, or vacationed at local campgrounds. I remember hiking and boating and fishing and swimming with my Dad, who was always the enthusiastic outdoorsman. *These* were the times of our lives that meant being with our Dad wholly and fully present, and I will always hold those memories close.
He was a music-lover and a story-teller. A dancer, and a joker, and a nature-lover. A wood-worker, and a handy-man. A soccer coach and referee. He embraced many passions, but as a librarian I am proud to say that it wasn't until the later years that he become an avid reader. I never would have guessed growing up that he and I would share a love of fiction, and that we would talk for hours about our latest reads. I actually beamed with pride when he told em, at the age of 74, that he got his first library card. He would track me down on my cell phone to ask me to find the latest book he was interested in. While in the hospital a few weeks ago, he devoured "Pillars of the Earth", one of my personal favourites. He read it in about 3 days, and I would sit by his bedside and we would talk about it for hours. Oddly, I guess, I felt like I had reconnected with my Dad on a whole new level. All these years, he had shared his passion for cars, for wood-working, for building things, for soccer... with his sons. Now, he and I finally shared a passion for literature and I will always cherish that.
In "Pillars of the Earth", Ken Follett wrote,
"Having faith in God did not mean sitting back and doing nothing. It meant believing you would find success if you did your best honestly, and energetically."
My Dad found success. A great father, a loving Opa, and a man who truly loved his life and shared that love with others.
We will miss him.
I love you, Dad.
J
Jim Brown posted a condolence
Thursday, June 23, 2011
To Arnold's family. I was sorry to hear of your father's passing. We worked together at Lambton Ford for several years, sharing many laughs along way.
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Sisko and Ilmari Haikola posted a condolence
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Otamme osaa suruunne Arnold Verhoevenin poismenon johdosta. Sisko ja Ilmari Haikola
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miriam blom and joke blom-verhoeven posted a condolence
Thursday, June 23, 2011
dear family, we were sorry to hear that ome Nout has passed away. Joke has called him just last week, and was very happy that she has spoken to him. He told her that he was tired. It is strange to know that he is no longer with us, allthough he lived far away. We will miss him, and wish you all strength. Love miriam, tante jo.
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Katie and Jason Mellow posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
To Arnold's family and friends, We will miss you so much. You always made us laugh and were a great friend. I wont forget the wonderful times at horse shoes and all the hugs and jokes at cards. I am so sorry for your loss and we wont ever forget you.
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Pirjo Haikola posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
My thoughts are with you, who were close to Arnold, Nout. I am happy I got to know him and very sad I will not meet him again. He was kind, friendly and funny. It was always a pleasure to see him when he visited us in the Netherlands, excited to see his son and have a good time. Pirjo
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Sarah and Carl Coleman posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Our thoughts and prayers are with your Family as they mourn your loss. You were always such a bright light in any room and we will miss your company. Rest in Peace Arnold
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Mike Edgar posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Marina, Angeline, Arno, Hank and families, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Arnold was a very kind man with a great sense of humour. He enjoyed telling me over and over how Dutch football was superior to the English brand. Over the few years I spent time with Angeline I was lucky enough to get out to their house for at least a weekly visit. Angeline loved spending time with her parents, especially her dad. I gained a strong respect for both Arnold and Lily watching the care, kindness and love they showed as well as the work and commitment to giving Angeline the best opportunities available to her. My thoughts are with you all during this very difficult time.
R
Riet Ansems-Verhoeven posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Dear family, My brother Nout is the first of my brothers and sisters who passed away. It undefined but this is life. He was my favorite brother and I will remember him always. I think of you all and wish you much strength. Love. Tante Riet
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Gerard, Carien, Thom, Sjoerd and Myrthe Craane posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Our dearest ome Nout is no longer with us. Though he lived so far away, he was very close to us. Words can not express how we feel, but we will never forget him.
R
Roy & Donna Cunningham posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
His passing leaves a void that nobody else can fill. Arnold had a warm and friendly smile that brightened your day. He was a regular fixture at "Cards'n'Darts", usually in his trademark "wolf head" sweatshirt and always with his cap. We will remember you Arnold, and trust you are now at peace and with Lily again.
M
Mark and Barb Malouin posted a condolence
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
To Arnold's Family, Arnold was a funny, kind generous man whom we got to know at Paradise Valley. He always made us smile. I will forever cherish him giving me away at the renewal of our vows on our 25th anniversary. He was so proud to be a part of it and we are so proud that he could be there. We will miss him. Mark and Barb Malouin, and Family
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lance danielle mugford posted a condolence
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
arnold, will be greatly missed by both of us ,we became great friends ,rest in peace
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Susan DeNisco posted a condolence
Monday, June 20, 2011
Marina, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. My sincere condolences to you and your family. With love, Susan, Al & Francesca
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Stan & Bonnie Stefanik posted a condolence
Monday, June 20, 2011
Dear Marina Our Deepest Sympathies to your entire family. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this sad time; from all our us.Lots of hugs Marina. Bonnie & Stan & family
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Nicci (Pedden) McCann posted a condolence
Monday, June 20, 2011
Arno, Marina, Hank and Angeline - I am very sad to hear of your fathers passing this morning. Arnold and I managed to run into each other now and then around town and it was always a pleasure to see his brilliant smile and receive a heart warming hello. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers... Nicci
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Maggie & Carl Monty posted a condolence
Monday, June 20, 2011
Marina, Chuck, Josie and the Verhoeven family and friends, Carl and I are deeply saddened at the news of your loss. Please know our thoughts and prayers are with you. With kind regards and lots of love - Maggie & Carl
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